ALL I NEED

this makes me incredibly happy and terribly sad simultaneously.

video by J. Tyler Helms (not the actual Radiohead video. Just a fan video). Footage from 1996 French Film, "Microcosmos".

I left my heart in Portland, OR.

Well, I know its not quite the new year, but it should be. I'm ready for this one to be over with. So, I'll do what I can in the meantime and revamp the blog. I hope that you like it.

My Thanksgiving was perfect.
I cooked the Turkey, made homemade cranberry sauce, savory apple rosemary stuffing, ginger apricot glaze, mashed potatoes, roasted vegetables and much, much more. Linda and Reichle came over, my parents and sisters were there (of course) and a myriad of Candyce's YWAM friends. We played scrabble. We played Squabble. We toasted over the $15 champagne the man at Safeway recommended. All in all, it was glorious.

I braved the Clackamas Towne Center on black friday. I got two shirts and a necklace at Forever 21 and I got my bridesmaid's dress for Danielle's wedding at Macy's. While the mall is no place to be the day after Thanksgiving; really, it was much better than I expected. I didn't even have to kill anyone for a parking spot.

My mom got a kitten. Despite my protests, her name is Pilgrim. I wanted to name her Ludmilla. In any case, I just called her "kitten" a lot. And I didn't move for like three days straight because she would lay on my belly and purr and sleep and who can move when a kitten is purring on their belly?

And, now for the bad news.
I am back in Long Beach. And I am back at work.
I love Long Beach. I love work.
But today my heart was heavy.

I miss my family, I miss my house, I miss my cat, I miss the simple life.
I live in two places, and I'm not quite sure how to reconcile the two. I always promise that I will move back someday - but I dont know when and I dont know how. And I've been in southern california for 6 years.

And, as if the troubles of the day were not enough; I left my office at 5:30 to find that my new Schwinn road bike had been stolen. It was vintage and maroon and beautiful. I loved that bike. And some jackass cut my lock in broad daylight in front of the valet / parking attendant.

I know its just a bike, but it felt like being punched in the gut. Welcome back to California, eh? It was a long day; and walking outside my building to find nothing but a severed lock cable was sickening and depressing.

Thank the Lord for kittiens and Christmas and vacations and cruises and family and red wine and coffee and chocolate. These are my saving graces.

An excerpt I particularly enjoyed from "Everything Is Illuminated" by Jonathan Safran Foer:

He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person,to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. 'I am not sad.', he would repeat to himself over and over, 'I am not sad.' As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself...He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. 'I am not sad.'

HAPPY FRIDAY. I AM READY FOR THE WEEKEND.

I'll be chilling hard this weekend. like this guy.

things that get me through the day (and/or week).

1. Tim and Eric.
2. Double tall iced egg nog lattes
3. The new Radiohead, Beirut, and M.I.A
4. Any/everything related to Christmas (the spirit of giving, christmas carols, egg nog, Jesus, vacation, family, and everything GOOD ever.)
5. Knowing that I get to go home in two weeks.
6. 3 day weekends (even tho I have to work a half day on Mon., I'll take it)
7. "Bad Kitties" Calendars (thank you, brandon. best gift ever.)
8. My new bicycle (I bought a beautiful old Schwinn for ten bucks!)
9. Vientos Y Aguas
10. Penelope (pictured). She really is the cutest kitty ever.

UPDATE

Tim and Eric were life changing.

Side note: I have 43 unheard voicemails. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM???

HERE SHE COMES

Tim and Eric are doing stand up comedy. In LA. Tonight.
I hope I hope I hope I hope we can get tickets.
I have come to the conclusion that they are, in fact, the funniest people on the planet.

a brief recap (if you will) .

New York was awesome (and exhausting).




San Francisco was awesome (and beautiful and Tom Waits was magical).








Halloween was epic (Sparklehorse may be my best costume ever? Yes.).









Hooray for a magical month!
Hooray for a weekend with no set plans or shows!
Hooray for 15 hours of sleep last night!